In the long, long ago, people lived in harmony. They had no choice but to, as they had nothing to shoot each other with. Theoretically, they had bows and arrows, but if you’ve ever actually tried to use one, they’re basically impossible to hit anything with. So if they had a problem, they just talked things out. If things got really heated, they’d settle things with a riddle competition. And men were respectful to women, as there were no guns to enhance toxic masculinity. Also, politicians only ever did the will of the people since there was no NRA to buy them off. And no one knew anything about war, because how would you have a war without guns? Throw rocks at each other? Who could haul that many rocks to a battlefield? It’s impractical.

Life was basically as peaceful as a John Lennon song or a Communist country.

This all changed, though, when the inventor of guns (Bob Gun, I believe) created guns in his racism laboratory while trying to find ways to enhance racism. Since then, gun deaths have increased infinity-fold, from zero to more than zero. And there have been violence, murder, and, admittedly, some very entertaining John Wick movies. Also, think of all the wars since then. World War I. World War II. World War: Vietnam. World War: Desert Heat. And the World War prequel, World War Stories: The Civil War.

It’s no exaggeration to say things are now a million billion times more violent than before guns were invented. It’s past time to get rid of all the guns and go back to how peaceful and nice everyone was in ancient history. It won’t end all conflicts, but it will get pretty close. We’ll just have to think of some good riddles to stave off invasion.